The Silly Series is a toe in the ocean of amazing talent in web analytics. Learn more about your colleagues and perhaps wonder if this is a practice for slightly odd people…
It’s time to talk to Matthias Bettag. If you figure out what he says his wish is for 2011, let me know!
Matthias, tell the lovely readers all about yourself.
I am a half Belgian, bi-lingual-raised “fish-head” (my home town is Bremen, Germans appreciate northerners with that honorable term). I went to Berlin in the mid 90s in order to cure this crazy city (impossible, but worth a try). After two years working as a nurse in a brand new and very well visited ICU my social interaction KPI-performance decreased dramatically due to the shift work. So I did something completely different: I studied media computer science. There, I was informed about my future by loo poetry: “Life sucks, but the graphics are great!”.
So my first business plan was to sell postcards with b/w motifs of industrial ruins in Berlin to Japanese tourists (I am a little bit color-blind and got serious advices to stop working with colors). But then I got stuck with my classmates in exploring intense team play on Unreal Tournament and Quake III. During a server downtime someone showed me where to find the angle brackets on a keyboard. And I learned that CSS is not only the abbreviation for Counter Strike Server. From then on, web development had all my attraction. Later I was hired to do this for money. Wow. What a turn for someone who “hopefully never ever have to use computers” (said in a weak moment at the age of 20). After my job as a webmaster I worked in the global E-Marketing support of Bayer Schering Pharma for the last 4 years where web analytics became my profession.
When looking back I must say the loo poetry statement is partly wrong. When looking at the present the greatest gift is my wife and our two kids who prove me every day that life is great. And so are the graphics (we live on the waterside).
Did you have a nickname in school? Do you secretly wish people would call you Big Gun?
Since I was 8 yrs old my football (soccer for US people, except Eric Feinberg who knows it better) coach called me “Matze”. Germans call me so until today. Please don’t try to pronounce it in any other language.
I secretly wish people would call me Mr Prayday, which is one of two possible English translations of my last name (the other is “Bed corp.”). But Jim Sterne recently told me this would probably attract very different folks than intended. Hum. I can only divine how the other translation could be misinterpreted most fatally. I appreciate any predictions.
You are based in Germany – what brought you to the eMetrics Marketing Optimization Summit in San Francisco this year?
I am afraid I am addicted to jetlag. 9hrs time difference on a 3-day trip is a very good dosage for me. I was indeed wondering what the heck some few other Europeans were doing over there. I assume they were originally visiting SF for pleasure years ago, but then got lost in that massive hotel building. They probably nourish themselves by crashing conference lunches.
How many Sauerbraten can you fit in a beer Stein if it’s the third Mittwoch in Juni?
That depends on the amount of Leberwurst consumed with befriended Lederhosen-Walküren while planning to go dutch on a Kindergartenabenteuerwaldspielplatz where it’s of course verboten!!1!! to play. Eltern haften für ihre Kinder.
I recommend “Hemelinger Spezial” bought on an autobahn gas station after midnight, consumed directly from the bottle and of course in public. Anyone believes that Europe is over regulated?
Who is your superhero-sans-cape in the web analytics community and why?
I was sure I would be asked what metric I would be!
Well, then here I go with those superheroes whom I personally owe a lot to: Jim Sterne for greatly herding the cats. Aurélie Pols for her fantastic consultancy, stimulating discussions and great advice. Jim Novo for not destroying my illusion of becoming a certified web analyst (one day). Julien Coquet for equally juggling data and languages at the highest level. Stephane Hamel for explaining me (in french, and on a graph) why I fainted from time to time. Adam Greco for perfectly showing how to make it. Vicky Brock for waving the European flag within the WAA. Phil Kemelor for his brown acid joke (and much more). Last but not least you and Michele Jojoba for your refreshing contribution to the community with a great sense of humor. The list above is very incomplete.
Do you think there needs to be a European-specific version off the WAA Code of Ethics?
No. The Code of Ethics is a commitment, not a manual. However, it will be interesting to see how ethical behavior may vary in practice. E.g. “I will never (…) distribute personally identifiable information (PII) (…) without express permission from the consumer(s)” requires a definition of what PII is in detail, and when, and what is exactly needed to get a permission. This is unlikely to be defined consistently across all countries.
Many web analysts would certainly highly appreciate a stronger WAA on a overarching European level, especially for the ongoing privacy discussion. I believe we need to show how the Code of Ethics can put into actual practice, and in a transparent way.
What is your wish for the remainder of 2011?
I finally want a proper 42. I was very close to it, but now I am No 45 in this series. Damn! I always get triple-sixes, fives (2+3), upside down pyramids, and this year Easter Sunday was one day after, a 23rd! I am sick of all those conspiracies personally attacking me.
How do you explain your job to family and friends who ask you what you do?
I tell the truth: I am a business buffoon. I work so much online that I have to fly overseas to tell my peers where to find the bloody manual “in the cloud”.
Btw, at home we have optimized “cloud laundry” based on decentralized washing machine hosting platforms. Since our machine is out of order I figured out how to route dirty laundry to neighbors who ping back the clean laundry directly into our dryer. That reduces noises and saves a ridiculous amount of money, too. I was told that Guy Kawasaki is interested to invest in this business model.
If you could build the perfect web analytics tool, what would it do that today’s tools can’t?
I’d like to have a mood detector, level-of-understanding-meter, back-in-time reports in realtime parallel to a prediction-modeling sandbox. Very important is a voice-to-report-generator and an implementation technology which overcomes that error prone pixeling code. The hardest part is probably that I want it build in a way that someone like me can administrate it. Have you seen the episode where Homer Simpson designs a car?
If this is too complex, my concession would be to reduce colors in the dashboards. I feel like I see enough colors anyway.
If you were a superhero of the modern world, what would your superhero name be and would you use social media to promote yourself?
I would go on with my QuakeLive nickname “MazZogeddoN”. I am afraid I would fail using social media because nobody finds a slot to reply during my endless monologues. Thank you so much for not asking what my mission would be.
Check out the full list of interviews in the Silly Series here!
